Under Dictatorship, We Go Mad

A friend of mine once told me that all parents of preschoolers are crazy. “You may as well fly that flag now, because it’s coming out later anyway.”

I’m a simple person. So I thought I’d probably get super crunchy and the eccentricity would end there. Oh, hope springs eternal.

Yet I find myself pondering my sanity as I move under the micromanagement of the tyrant that is a being with a growing brain and limited motor skills.

I get ordered around a lot – which drives me nuts. I have come to anticipate my daughter’s every need. Which is equally screwy.

Also, toddlers have so few choices, that the ones they make are usually in the shadows of distraction – and without fail, they’re messy choices.

I clean nonstop.

People say they miss me because I clean so much.

And then there’s the fact that patience isn’t my thing and now patience has to be my thing. There is no other option than to play the long game with Adelaide. She doesn’t take orders. She doesn’t go along unless she knows all the steps and all the benefits.

Oh what we inherit.

And in this insane daily ritual that includes watching a child decide which socks to wear – a process that demands a curious amount of energy – I have found a new way of making decisions.

Because morality of choice is a thing.

(I had not expected to come to understand the idea much less write about morality of choice. One generally leaves such subjects to people who can afford lofty thoughts, like Octavio Paz or other dead people whose books I leave half read.)

So I’ve made some changes to life that I would not have otherwise made had I any free time. Funny how when you start to value your time, the bullshit disappears.

The first decision I’ve made is to leave the commercial kitchen. This time of year is traditionally the beginning of my writing season, but I don’t think I’ll return when my writing season ends in the summer.

The second decision is to become a functional cannabis coach. If your first reaction to that is a half-laugh, you aren’t alone. But Cannabis is a seriously life-changing way of treating the body and mind and I know I can help alleviate a lot of unnecessary pain.

Cheers to a new adventure!