The Full Kitten Experience.
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The Full Kitten Experience.
The Full Kitten Experience is deep, man.

A number of years back, Humans of New York (likely the only reason to enjoy social media) featured a guy with his young daughter. Before she was conceived, he and his partner had discussed having (or not) having children. They elected to go for what they termed The Full Human Experience.


Setting aside the argument that an experience can neither be full or incomplete – especially when it comes to breeding - the Full Kitten Experience is a totally real thing.


The Full Kitten Experience is a phenomenon created by two or more kittens. It is a temporary reality, like grief, in which one is given the opportunity to witness what it looks like to fully embrace life.


The FKE is measured by a logarithmic scale. The scale’s intensity increases exponentially and nonlinearly as kittens are added to the equation. What makes the scale logarithmic is the fact that two kittens do not merely double the damage of one. One wild-eyed kitten hanging from the window shade will leave a track of rips and tears. Two wild-eyed kittens hanging from the window shade will simply destroy the window shade.


There is a mysterious variable in the ruin inflicted and the joy inspired by multiple kittens. Activated by random and unpredictable catalysts, two cats create more than double the damage of one.


The FKE scale isn’t all destruction though. Multiple kittens also create immeasurable happiness. Two kittens have the power to unite a room of strangers – an entire internet, actually. What is more distracting and lovely than watching kittens at play with other kittens?


In the FKE there are also fewer “Ow! Why?!?” moments as kittens prefer to attack each other.


Kittens not only teach us how to fully embrace life, they are also teachers of balance. For every “awwwww” moment there’s an “arg” moment. For every crash there is a cuddle. It’s okay to shout in the same hour, “I Love Kittens.” And “I hate Kittens.” It’s okay because it’s unavoidable.


The Full Kitten Experience is like going to grown up school where one learns to cultivate patience for the unpredictable and an acceptance that life is both easy and hard, fast and slow, long and short. It is the thing that teaches us that if you want to evolve, you have to stay present with the joys and accept the clean up as just part of it. Learning all that can be hard or it can be cute. Because that’s the other thing about the Full Kitten Experience. The experience you have is up to the beholder, damage and all.